My Creations

This story started with one image of slapstick--Superman high-fiving someone, and knocking whoever into the wall. I started building a joke around it, and it turned into this story.

"So, why do you keep going after those big schemes that gets the big guy after you?"

It had been a year since he’d been moved from the special prison section into this normal cell that he shared with this idiot named Cletus. No, not really, it had been only two days, but it felt like a year.

He wasn’t sure if Cletus wanted to understand him (admirable, but it would be like an ant wanting to understand the human whose foot he is crawling over) or work for him (his standards would never be that low), but the one thing Cletus loved to do was talk. Very well.

He gave Celtus a quizzical look. "What do you mean? Are you suggesting I retire?"

"Nah, nah!" Cletus had a big grin. "If I had your smarts, I’d be really good at breaking into banks. I’d just have to deal with the local cops, and if I had your smarts, I’d have no trouble getting around them. But you do things that makes the big guy come after you!"

He sighed. "Cletus, do you think Mark McGwire would want to play softball? Would you give Piccasso a paint-by-the-numbers set? Would you give Dale Gordon a Yugo to drive? I could not waste my talents on the petty crimes you suggest. It is my destiny. With great power comes great responsibility, I heard someone say."

"Super strength, invulnerability, flying, and those things he can do with his eyes. Gadgets. At least Batman had to create those things on his utility belt, Superman was born into them."

He tapped the side of his bald head with one finger. "I am Lex Luthor. I am smarter than him. His powers are only as good as he can figure out how to use them. When he is stymied, he is powerless."

Lex laughed. "So far. He’s been lucky. But his luck can’t hold. And I do constantly make one mistake–I underestimate how desperate he is. I am learning."

"Don’t let the P.R. mislead you." Lex had a sneer on his face. "Maybe that’s what drives him against most foes. But with me, he is desperate to prove he is better than I am. Always has been. It’s why he betrayed me." Lex sighed. "Cletus, what do they say about my past? My early past?"

Cletus was a bit wary. "It’s all rumors, and I don’t believe in listening to rumors, because I wouldn’t’…"

"Well, as a kid, you were doing some experiment, there was an accident, you lost your hair, and you went…uh, you started on your current career path."

Lex laid down on his bunk. "Very diplomatic, Cletus. There are some grains of truth, but so much is missing. Do you know that Superman used to be my best friend?"

Lex closed his eyes, remembering the images. "My parents were very ordinary people, not at all prepared for me. By age two, I could read and write. By age five, I knew everything they knew. By age ten, I was taking college courses with a tutor–I wanted to go to college, but they wouldn’t let me in. By age twelve, I could be the tutor for almost any class I was interested in. Cletus, do you remember your school years?"

Cletus shrugged his shoulders. "Well, kinda. I remember getting whipped a lot. And that dunce cap."

Very softly, Lex said, "I envy you." He cleared his throat and resumed. "The only thing harder than living with challenges you cannot deal with is to have no challenges. I’d run out of challenges, there was no one able to talk to me on my level. And then I heard about these stories about a super boy. Super strong, could fly, and very smart. I got my parents to move to that city, and it was true. Superboy, he was called then."

Lex laughed. "You’ll never understand the joy of meeting him. For the first time, I met someone able to challenge me. And I challenged him. When we talked, what we said wasn’t blindingly obvious to the other. And we played. Supes would pick me up and fly with me, just above the pussy willows, they’d tickle. And we managed to work together to solve some serious problems. You know, I’m not sure I’ve really been truly happy since those days."

Lex’s voice drifted off into a reverie. A smile danced around on his face as happy memories swirled through his mind. But then they died, replaced with something cold.

"Happiness blinds you," said Lex. "My mind and Superboy’s powers were maturing, my mind even faster than his powers. Somehow, I completely missed his jealousy of me. He was less and less willing to take my directions on how to solve problems, preferring some more ambling and less efficient way.

"Finally, there was the day. The night before, I had an inspiration, one I’ve tried to reconstruct time after time without success. A vivid realization of the essence of life. I started on my greatest experiment ever, creating artificial life.

"No, not like Frankenstein. A very simple algae. But in addition to photosynthesis, it also could convert Kryptonite radiation into something useful. In spite of how he had been ignoring me, I was going to make something that would protect him from the one substance that could kill him."

Lex beamed like a proud papa. "It sure did. After several hours, I had a small dish filled with Luthorites. I poured it on a small pebble of green kryptonite, and within minutes, the pebble had lots its glow and that deadly radiation. I could hardly wait to show my very good friend. But apparently, he’d been watching."

Lex’s voice started getting thick. "A small fire started on one of the curtains near a Bunsen burner. A simple task for someone with heat vision. I saw it and was reaching for the fire extinguisher. But then my supposed buddy swooped down and used that damned breath of his to blow it out. Blowing. Knocking vials of chemicals over. Acid was spilled on the Luthorites, killing them. Ink over my notes, obliterating them. And some sort of gas that made me lose my hair."

"Of course he did," Lex snapped. "Hundreds of ways to deal with the situation, and he chose the one that destroyed my creation. I was about to rid him of his one vulnerability, with no superpowers except for my mind, and he couldn’t live with it. Well, he didn’t want me as a friend, he wanted me as a foe, and he got me as a foe."

Lex stood up and slapped Cletus. "Haven’t you been listening? You think this is about my hair? I won’t say I wanted to lose it, but it’s not the point."

Lex sat back down on his bed. "Close your eyes and imagine this. Imagine a world with no disease, because Luthorites could be designed to attack every cell that doesn’t belong there. Imagine a world with no hunger, I could design Luthorites to feed a family of six from a window garden."

Lex smiled. "And owning the patent to the Luthorites–I could hire Bill Gates to be my butler. But all of that was wiped out, because Superman couldn’t let me be better than he was. If that’s what a hero does, I wanted to be the villain."

Lex laid back down and rolled over. He wouldn’t say it aloud, but even more than the lost opportunities…

When the chemicals were mixed and the radiation applied, Lex remembered seeing the first Luthorite move. It was alive, damn it. It was alive, and he had given it life. It was his in a way that no human child born of him and a woman would ever be. Superboy had murdered his creations. And with each Luthorite that died, a bit of his soul had died with it.

The next morning, the inmates were being taken to morning mess when Warden Carver showed up. "Well, well, the great Lex Luthor is still with us. So much for those who said that he’d escape if we took him from that soft special security section and introduced him to life among his fellow thugs. As if that section makes any difference to a common thug!"

He was right about one thing, thought Lex. The special section wasn’t going to make any particular difference when he was ready to get out. Actually, he had to start planning his escape all over again. It had a special requirement–it had to somehow really embarrass the warden personally.

The warden pointed to two guards. "Time for a random body cavity search. You two, take Thug Luthor and check everywhere."

No, kill him. No, really embarrass him. Make the warden WISH Lex had killed him. Something involving a snapping turtle, perhaps.

After breakfast, Cletus was told that he had a visitor. His grandfather. The two sat down across the glass barrier, and talked about nothing. The guard never noticed the intricate hand gestures the two were making. A conversation in sign language.

Nope, nothing seems to be happening soon, replied Cletus. But he sure hates you.

I know, I know. Oh well. Robin’s been able to keep up the illusion that you’re still in Gotham City.

I need to get back soon. This is no alternative to a good secure cell. Any luck with the Governor in overriding the warden?

Not yet. Refusing to coddle prisoners seems to be good politics. Have you been able to slip a homing tracer on Luthor?

Luthor must love that, signed the grandfather, interrupting his small talk with laughter.

Three days later, Cletus was awakened by the guards for first check. Odd, he normally was up with the sun, and he still felt a little foggy. But he was up, standing up as two guards woke Luthor up.

"Come on, come on. The warden says he heard a rumor that you’re trying something, and so he said to do a deep search every hour." The guard sniggered. "And he said don’t be gentle."

Luthor stood up slowly, as if he was confused. Finally, he faced the guard and said, "What do you mean? I am the warden!"

The guard laughed. "Geez, Luthor, that’s weak. What happened, not able to threaten the world anymore?"

Luthor continued to protest as they dragged him out. Cletus tried to focus on Luthor’s face, but couldn’t. Uh-oh.

Cletus asked one of the guards, "Where is the warden? I may have some information for him."

The guard rolled his eyes. "Sure you do. The warden has left for Metropolis for two weeks, but I’m sure he’ll want to talk to you when he gets back."

Cletus nodded, rubbed his neck, found the transmitter implanted there, and pushed the button.

Somewhere over China, busy stopped a flood, Superman heard the signal and shook his head. Luthor was loose again.

Six hours later, everything was back to normal at the prison. A little super-hypnotism to undo what Luthor had done, and the warden was back in his chair–not that he was sitting in it yet. The governor had authorized the warden to release Cletus into Superman’s custody

"One last thing," Superman said. "I hope you now see the wisdom in treating Luthor very specially."

The warden held up his hand. "No argument, I blew it. I will leave a strongly worded explanation for my successor, and have him call me."

"I quit. I can deal with mass murderers, child molesters, rapists, gang leaders, the whole bunch. But I never again want to deal with super villains. As soon as the governor can find a replacement, I’m going back to some small state institution. I heard Arkham Asylum is looking for someone."

Superman rubbed his forehead. "I’d suggest you investigate the job before you take it. I have to leave, someone is waiting for me."

"Ah, much better!" Back in the Batcave, Batman had removed the makeup and was back in costume and cowl. "It’s strange, but on these long missions, I miss this place even more than the Manor."

Superman bowed low. "The world thanks you for your sacrifice. If you hadn’t been there, it might have been weeks before anyone knew Luthor had escaped, instead of just hours."

"I was meaning to ask you about that," said Batman. "Why so long? I was expecting you to show up immediately, you could have saved the warden a lot of humiliation."

Batman laughed. "I guess he did need to have a lesson taught. Well, how do we find Luthor?"

Superman sat down. "As far as Luthor knows, his escape is still secret. So, I’ve got some low-profile people tracking down the warden’s car. They’ll signal me when they’ve found it."

"Luthor knows me well enough that he probably could detect any x-ray vision or super-speed or whatever. Just another pair of eyes shouldn’t garner suspicion."

"Clever," said Batman. "He seems obsessed with you, so it makes sense. He thinks you betrayed him long ago, and that’s how it all got started."

"I know, I know. The hair." Superman shook his head. "I kept telling him it was an accident, I was stupid and showing off, but he never believed me. And I spoiled some experiment and it left him bald, who’d have thought it would twist someone like that?"

Batman sat for a minute, stunned. "Don’t you know? When Luthor was talking to his cellmate–it wasn’t the hair. It wasn’t just an experiment, it was very big, to him and would have been to the world."

Superman was intrigued. "I’ve never been able to talk to Lex like that. Tell me more!"

Batman related the whole conversation, to Superman’s complete attention. When he was done, Superman leaned back and closed his eyes. "Why didn’t I see it," he said.

Superman opened his eyes and explained. "The fire was an accident, even Lex accepted that at the time. And there were safer ways to put it out, but Lex had called me a big blow-hard the day before, so it somehow seemed funny to blow hard and save his life. It went wrong, and some gasses I’ve never seen before were created, and Lex breathed it in, and I was so afraid."

An echo of fright was showing on Superman’s face. "Lex was unconscious, for several minutes. I thought I’d killed my best friend. And even when he awoke, his hair fell out, and I was afraid there would be other problems. So every time he’s talked about his experiment, I thought about how it almost killed him, how what I did to it almost killed him. He never told me what he was working on, so…Super Idiot. Super Jerk. I never knew."

Batman stood up and put his hands upon his friend’s shoulders. "Clark, Kal-El–for all the powers that fate gave you, omniscience isn’t one of them. We only know what we know."

Superman sighed. "I know. But if only…Lex was a good person. He didn’t quite have as firm of a base as the Kents gave me and the Waynes gave you, but he wanted to do so much for everyone. I saw his reaction as personal, what has this done to me. Did I push him into just caring about himself? If I could see that he was aching about something more, could I have helped him nurture…Wait."

Superman lifted his head and listened to the ether briefly. "They found the car. And it’s near the Amberton Science and Technology Museum. I’ve had leads that it might be a Luthor front organization. I’m on my way."

Batman held up a hand. "Wait…remember, this is Luthor. Mass murderer, hates you beyond all measure, insanely evil. Nothing I told you changes that."

Aaaaaaaaaahhhh. A hot steaming shower. This was the creature comfort Luthor always missed in prison. The prison showers were never hot enough. And in that last one, to share it, well, I hope Warden Carver is enjoying the communal shower.

Well, time to get started. This won’t last forever, so he better start getting ready. "Towel", he called to one of his robots. A towel was thrust in his direction. He took it.

Oops. The hand isn’t metal. It’s flesh. And the arm has a skin-tight blue sleeve.

Luthor wrapped the towel around him and turned off the shower. "Superman. How did you…You traced the car. I guess I’m getting sloppy. Mind if I get dressed?"

Superman nodded. Luthor didn’t think he could get away with asking Superman to turn his head, but this was enough. Luthor put on his uniform, then raised his arm, pointed it at Superman,

"You think you’re clever, well…" Luthor tapped his heels together. Nothing happened.

"The teleportation circuits are fused. But I didn’t know you were a Wizard of Oz fan," said Superman.

Luthor started to laugh. "We’ve fought far too long, you know my tricks too well. But tell me, how did you know so soon? I thought I’d have several days at least!"

Superman sat down. "I’ll trade you. You tell me how you escaped, and I’ll tell you how I knew."

"Very well." Luthor gave wide grin. "I marked my toilet paper. Rolled some up into papers with knots that held a message."

"One advantage of robot servants is that they will do whatever you tell them. They then came in and made the swap, with some sophisticated artificial hypnosis I’ve been working on." Luthor chuckled. "Now you tell me."

"Your cellmate Cletus was a plant. He guessed that his cellmate might be telling the truth when he claimed to be the warden."

Luthor started to laugh. "That was so simple, I never would have thought you’d stoop so low. So, I presume we are back to prison?"

"Maybe not," said Superman. "I need your help. If you help me, I’ll do what I can to have this escape ignored."

"Oh goodie. So, you’ll keep me from having another ten years added to my twelve consecutive life sentences."

Luthor thought for a moment. "Can you arrange to have the hot water on my shower raised to 92 degrees?"

Superman rubbed his face. "There’s a race of people on a star system called OmniBeta 3. A very gentle people, a race of artisans. Some of the best music of the cosmos can be found there."

Luthor nodded. "I know about them. I was considering kidnapping one of their singers for a record company I control, but there’s something about their music that can’t be converted to CD. I take it they’ve got a problem?"

Superman nodded. "They’ve got a very bad problem. Something fell into their sun, asteroid, comet, something. There was something in the thing that changed the sun, to make it put out some strange radiation. It’s harmless to almost anyone, except fatal for them. They have managed to build shelters to live in, but if nothing can be done, eventually the food chain will be infected and they’ll die."

Luthor shrugged. "I’d say that’s what happens to people more interested in music than in protecting themselves, but you’re the hero, so what do you need me for?"

"The radiation is very close to that released by Green Kryptonite. Different enough to not affect me, but I thought those artificial cells you were working on when we were kids would work."

Luthor stood, stunned. Then he started to shake. "You bastard, you damned bastard, how could you do…"

Superman grabbed Luthor and kept him from shaking. "No, wait…I had to travel back to Smallville recently. Time travel. I couldn’t interfere, but I’ve got your notes memorized. The layout of the lab, everything. I don’t understand them, that’s why I need you, but, we can do it."

Slowly, Luthor heard Superman’s words. "My notes? You have them? You’ll give them to me?"

Superman wrote out Luthor’s notes. Luthor hovered over Superman’s shoulder, seeing the old notes appear on paper, his handwriting, his notes, his brainstorm! Yes, that was it.

When Superman was done, Luthor grabbed them and flipped through them. "Of course! I’d forgotten the interaction between the alpha and beta cells, without that, they’d never become organized. Now we just…SUPERMAN, STOP!"

Superman had been examining the room and was preparing to open a secret panel to Luthor’s lair, but pulled his hand away. "Why?"

"If it’s not my fingerprints touching the panel, it’ll emit a burst of artificial Kryptonite energy. Probably not enough to kill you, but it would do a lot of damage." Luthor stepped up and pressed the panel, the secret door opened, and Luthor entered the lab.

Luthor clutched the notes like a schoolgirl clutching an autographed picture of a teen idol. "I’d save the devil himself to work on this! Now, where is my amniocyclometer?"

For the next few hours, the two foes worked together. Superman started as lackey, "Get me this, get me that". There were even a few trips out of the lab for some rare ingredients. Luthor couldn’t be trusted alone, of course, so he went along. Superman had flown Luthor fairly often. To jail, to prison, to court. But for once, Luthor was a willing passenger. A passenger having fun.

One of the things that the Kents had taught Clark was to avoid showing off. Fate had given him these powers that no one else had, it was wrong to lord it over others. Clark had learned his lesson well. Even with the other heroes, he was always concerned about not seeming to belittle any of them. But that day, it was time for a little showing off.

Get a hot plate? No, heat vision will do. 104 degrees Farenheight? No problem. Oh, now chilled to 40 degrees Farenheight. No problem. You want a centrifuge? It is to laugh!

Somehow, it was all those decades ago. Lex and Superboy, testing each other, working together. At least that’s how Superman felt. Lex was having fun, but definitely focused on the outcome.

And finally, it was time. The core ooze was in place, the reactant was poured in, the gentle heat was applied.

Luthor turned to Superman, tried a snarl but could only muster despair. "What have you done? These are the notes, I remember them. It worked."

Superman concentrated on his memory of that day. It hadn’t been a recent time trip where he memorized the notes. That day was seared into his memory. The layout was the same, what was…DIFFERENT!

Luthor quickly took his shirt off. Superman took it…and used his heat vision on it.

"So were your parent’s drapes," Superman applied. Very careful, not flames, just smolder, smoke. Ah. Blowing gently, Superman sent the smoke onto the dish. A little more smoke. Come on…

And the ooze firmed up, and started to move. It was alive. The Luthorites lived.

Superman grinned, lifted his arm, clapped his palm against Luthor’s… "Oh. Sorry, Lex."

Luthor stretched and said, "Now we find out if they’ll do what we need them to do. Superman, there’s a lead-lined box on the upper shelf of that cupboard. Can you get it for me? Don’t open it though."

Superman got the box and moved to the far side of the room. Luthor opened it, and out came a glowing green pebble. Before it could affect Superman, Luthor dropped it into the dish with the Luthorites. After a moment, the green glow died. Luthor reached in, pulled out the pebble, and flipped it at Superman.

Superman caught it instinctively. No pain, no weakness. He examined it. It was now just rock. "Safe kryptonite. Incredible."

Luthor laughed. "Keep it for your collection. At my main headquarters, I’ve still got the original."

"And I don’t suppose you’ll tell me where that main headquarters was, would you…LUTHOR!"

Superman sprung into action, dashed forward, grabbed Luthor, and pulled him away from the dish. A gas had started to rise from the dish. A gas that had haunted Superman for decades.

Luthor had seen the gas too. Worse, he had seen the Luthorites. Falling apart, just like their brothers had done decades ago. They were dying.

The gas dissipated, and it was safe to go. The dish was now filled with ash. No acid necessary, they burned themselves up.

Superman said, "Maybe the Kryptonite kills them. Let’s try again, without exposing them to the Kryptonite."

Luthor, in a fog, asked "Why? It won’t be able to help the people of OmniBeta 3."

No joking this time. No conversation at all. It was successful, the silk smoke brought it to life. But it died as quickly as the other organisms.

Finally, Luthor broke the silence. "The candle that burns hottest burns fastest. My apologies for having assume you killed my creation. Apparently, they had consumed all the time they had."

Superman hugged his friend from long ago. "I’m so sorry. But maybe there’s a way to fix it, Lex. Maybe there’s some flaw to be corrected."

"Perhaps," Luthor replied. "At least I know now where to begin. I had actually duplicated this structure several times in the past. But I never thought of smoldering silk." Luthor sat down, was silent for a moment, then grabbed a pad and wrote out some complex formulas. "About OmniBeta 3–is the radiation at a higher or lower frequency than Kryptonite?"

"I think I know what could have been in the rock to cause the problem." Luthor passed the notepad to Superman. "Coat an asteroid liberally with this mixture and send it into the sun. That should remove the problem. Not immediately, there may be a week or two before it completely stops the effect. Remember, the shower is to be at 92 degrees, not one degree more or less."

Superman took the pad and nodded. It was remarkably close to the formula that Tozar of their race had come up with. They could create the goo, but didn’t have the ability to finish the job, so he had been requested to help. On the last report, the radiation had completely died away.

Luthor stood up and folded his arms. "You do realize this means nothing. I thank you for this opportunity to solve an old mystery, and I was wrong to blame you. But I have spent decades becoming me, and this won’t change things."

Superman sighed. "I can’t let you go either. But…Lex, this afternoon I got to work with my old best friend, work and play. I enjoyed it. And I miss my old friend."

Luthor allowed a smile to briefly appear on his face. "I enjoyed it too. And I miss those days too. But they’re gone." Superman started to speak, but Luthor held up a hand. "Spare me your Boy Scout optimism. The world is what it is."

Superman frowned, then said, "Then it’s time to take you back. I presume you have another shirt here?"

"Behind the museum, there’s a stream, and a patch of pussy willows grows there. Think you can still tickle me that way?"

"Wait!" said Luthor. "Someone may recognize me!" He turned away from Superman and started digging in a drawer. "Here it is!"

An old fear struck at Superman. Luthor had done this before, and it had never been good. Death ray. Teleportation ring. Bomb. And this time:

Luthor turned around, wearing a Daniel Boone coonskin hat and a pair of glasses with a big fake nose. "You didn’t know I was also a master of disguise, did you?"

It took twelve passes of the pussy willows to get Luthor to laugh. On the way to the prison, Superman did a few aerobatics. Superman was flying with his old friend. But as they approached the prison, Superman could feel Luthor tense up. As he was taken away by the guards, Luthor shouted, "This changes nothing. No mercy."

Superman flew away, feeling lighter than ever. His old friend wasn’t gone, he was just trapped within decades of hate. If believing that could change made him a Boy Scout optimist, it was time to earn some merit badges.

Going Home Again 7/12/2000

Going Home Again
7/12/2000